see it....feel it.........cant touch it........

well this has happened to most of us...........we want something..............we can see it in front of us all the time and feel its presence all the time around us all the time but cant have it........

its a different thing for all of us........

for me its TIME.....the non stopping tic tok of the clock.........but not just anytime the time of the person i care abt the most.......

i know its not her fault nor its her choice or decision but still she is bound by the ever tightening bonds of social fellowship and must obey them........

but this could be explained to the mind but not to the heart...............it does not listen to reason its just governed my instinct......and it does not want to understand dat time cannot be found for the one person whom one cares abt the most in the world.............

i did engage myself in violent outbursts when my hearts desire for time were not met but now i have come to realize dat love is like sand the tighter u try grip it the quickly it gets out of ur hand....so i did stop but still the heart pines and pines..............

but wat to do i must obey the rules of a social engagement..............

wailings of my heart........

i write this with such a heavy heart that i can hear it going "GLUP GLUP" in side my hollow chest cavity as if grasping for breath like person drowning.

these are not words but consider them the sound of a wailing heart in desperate need of the affection from its counterpart.

i know that these wailings are all wrong and i should not be doing this but i need to pour out my heart because its unwise to keep in too much for too long in your heart.

i dont cry........i dont talk to people about my wailing i also dont want to make a public display of them nor can i tell someone.......it had been burning me from inside for many days but i just kept on bearing the scotch from the flames within but today i could not hem in my emotion no more and they got the better of me.......so here i m writing them.

CHUK CHUK AND AWAY......

with every revolution of the wheels of the train i was going away from the ppl i love most.......
i had two feeling in my heart.......one of leaving them a and missing them and the other of getting to see some others place after 4 long years of my monotonous life.......

but now that i am here i miss them a lot and really really wanna go back to them......because there is nothing as good as home sweet home.......and here is another motive for me 2 go back......another darker motive.......

waise i am loving it here,........

miss u guys at home.......

the heavy burden of disappointment

I had promised god that i will never let her beautiful pair of feet touch the ground and i will carry her on my small meek and humble shoulders ...........

But my shoulders are giving away now, because she is overcome with disappointment and its burden is proving too much fro my humble shoulders..........

and taht is not the worst part...... the worst part is that i have caused this disappointment by not taking good care of her,not giving her enough attention and not giving her enough time......

and this disappointment is weighing extremely heavy on her and as she is on my shoulders...its weight is falling on mine........

but just as i had to lover forever.......dear god i promice never to do any such thing that may upset her or cause her ant DISAPPOINTMENT...............

HELP ME O GOD..............

cant meet her,see her........................

ppl have written whole books,poems and articles when they miss someone very near and dear 2 them.........

i m no writer or poet.......i m just a normal human being just a normal lover.....who loves someone very dearly and cant bear the thought of her being away from him..........

u know it hurts......yes it hurts.....really hurts......to be away from her and not be able to meet her......see her.........touch her face with my shaking figures........smell her hairs which always smell so nice............no one will understand....no one will...........

and i know it is not her fault......not her......she wants 2 meet me more than anything in this world but circumstances naa.....they can make an ass out of a good person........

cant blame her.....she is tied down and kept.............

cant blame u sweet heart.......

love u.........

the feeling of being nothing

the feeling being second in the life of the person whom u love more than love itself and more than life itself.........for whom ur willing 2 sacrifice all ur worldly possession....who is the center of ur world can be handled ....................

but the feeling of feeling of being NOTHING in the life of the person whom u love the most in this whole wide world can not be handled......

and even if it could be i m not a role model for it..........

i cant Handel it.........

but could it be..........

i cant understand ......

just cant..........

NOTHING........

JUST NOTHING....................

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...............

but then i think how could it be........

how could it be........

HOW???????????????

my one short coming can ruin it all....

i knew dat my short temper would be the downfall of me......

yes i knew it frm the very beginning ......

but i could control it yesterday and it got the better of me and hurt the people who are very near and very dear 2 me